my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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