Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
