no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
