I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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