dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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