About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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