I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
