Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
