using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
