I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
