I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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