Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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