dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
