I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
