I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
