i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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