I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
