just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
