I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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