sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
