u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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