I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
