Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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