Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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