she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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