and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize