k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
