i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
