My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
