My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so let's talk penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
