no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
