Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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