drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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