I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
