If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize