Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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