when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
