well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
