508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
