Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
