If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
