Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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