I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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