dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
