Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
