i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
