Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
