similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
