My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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