Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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