I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
why is half of my head shaved?
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