god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
