Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
