I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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