im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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