why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize