New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
