he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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