margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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