then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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