so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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