I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
