Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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