im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
