She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize