i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
