dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
