how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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