Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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