I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
