You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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