You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
