then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
