You were right. It hurts to walk today.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
