How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
