OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I intend to get homeless drunk
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
