it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
