i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
