I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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