If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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