So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
