i already hear my dad disowning me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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