I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
