What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
