Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
