State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize