After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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