My hand turned me down
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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