she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
