It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
