I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
