mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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