I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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