I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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